Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less

Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less

WARNING: All of these are just jokes, do not truely try any of these as many of them can leave you seriously ill or be fatal! Number 1. Be a frosh (freshman).

It's not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on "New Kids night" at the local dance holes know, the phenomena is not rare. Frosh are usually young, inexperienced, and sometimes even illegal to entice into your boudoir. If anyone can get drunk on five bucks, it's them.

Scavenge.

Go to any bar and you'll usually see alcohol that people just don't want. Most often these finds will be at empty tables, with chairs with jackets on them that people also don't want. Grab the booze, and the jackets, and leave. Do so stealthily though. You wouldn't believe how many losers will pretend that they really wanted their cast offs. Finders keepers!

Number 2. Hang around with Losers or Generous People (same thing)

Some people are crazed enough to buy alcohol for other people, and expect nothing in return. Well, they might expect after they buy you a round that you'll do the same, but you never signed any contract. Generous people usually stop buying alcohol when they realize what a cheap bastard you are, but losers will usually keep on doing it. They'll be so overwhelmed by the fact that you're actually talking to them, they won't worry about little details, like that they're spending their tuition money to get you pissed.

And now ...(drum-roll)... The Number 1 Way to get Drunk

for Five Dollars or Less: ... Make Beer Fast!

Finger the originator of this article, an address will be given. Mail one beer to this address. Using saturation posting techniques, repost this article to enough newsgroups for about a
million people to see it. Within a few weeks you'll have received a million beers. In another few weeks the postal system will collapse...